I just cut my nipple shaving
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
