I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
