ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize