My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
