his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
