whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
