I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
