I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Your cock deserves a montage
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
