what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
