Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
