I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Vodka?
Forever.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
