Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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