Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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