Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Panties = found
Randomize
