Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
