can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
