it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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