a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
