you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
