Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize