Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
