come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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