I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
