I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
