shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
