he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
