I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
