I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
