Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Randomize
