What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
