Have you finally orgasmed yet?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
