oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
