Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
