Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
