Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
