If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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