i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize