one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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