DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
God I need to hump something, right now.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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