dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
