I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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