I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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