Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
