Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
