JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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