I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
