we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
