how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize