he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
