This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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