Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
