can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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