Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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