Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
