it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
