Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
