At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
