Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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