Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
