Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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