This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
