i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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