never play flip cup with pint glasses
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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