We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
