oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
