WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
