I think im going to throw up on grandma
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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