The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
