He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
