I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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