xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
