I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
